Here is feedback for Week 4 of the 2015 S.A.C. Songwriting & Blogging Challenge provided by Ron Irving. Participants were asked to write an edgy country pop song for a male artist, early 20s. No mention of marriage or kids. No references to “partying at the lake”, “trucks and tailgates” and no “bro country” vibe.
Katy Carswell – Don’t Go
First of all, the challenge was to write an edgy Country song for a young male artist – this song is for a female artist. The other part of the challenge was that if you normally write solo, to try writing with a co-writer or if you always co-write, then write solo.
The song has a very nice melody, but the lyrics are confusing. The first verse is written in the present tense, talking about how the guy is looking at another woman. The bridge indicates that the guy has already left town. Listener is confused. One of the benefits of co-writing is the editing and clarification process. Your vocal is captivating! You have a very good talent for writing which may be enhanced by working with a co-writer.
Rosanne Baker Thornley – Do Not Disturb
Really like this! Very edgy, very Jason Aldean, right on the money! The bad news is the lyrics don’t paint the artist in a very good light which may be the thing that prevents it from getting recorded. On the other hand, a courageous artist might just do it. One suggestion would be to shorten the bridge and just use the first 2 lines. Great song & feel!!
Heather Meori – It’s a Free Country
Good rockin’ edgy groove! Nice to hear a full song demo. Demo really drives the song. However, the song feels long because you have two verses and then an 8 line chorus. One thing to consider is if you have long verses, have a short chorus and the opposite also applies. Musically, the verse & the chorus are very similar. It is really important to make the chorus stand out melodically from the verses. It helps hold the listener’s attention. The lyric is definitely edgy, but perhaps a little too risqué for country radio.
Scott MacKay – Viper in a Velvet Dress
The first 4 lines draw the listener in – very visual. However, it’s very unclear after that which part of the song is verse and which part is the chorus. Those first 4 lines get over used. Throughout the song, you are repeating the lyrics but not introducing any new ideas/visuals to keep the listener engaged. You also repeat a 2 line refrain, which confuses the listener further as to what the title is. Have a look at the structure of a few top 10 hit country songs.
Allister Bradley – Goodbye to a Great Friend
Amazing job!! Extremely heartfelt, very visual and very well written. The Van Morrison type of vocal really suits the song and demo well. This is kind of song that an artist would record for an album cut, but might not be released as a single due to the subject matter. However it could be a great placement in a film.(i.e. Bruce Springsteen’s song “Philadelphia”)
Sean Bertram – The Closest Thing
Demo and vocal has a nice Bruce Cockburn easy to listen to vibe, but not edgy country. Song structure and particularly the rhyme scheme are important components in crafting a hit song. If you like to write story songs, consider next time using and A B C B rhyme scheme in your verses instead of A A A A (which you have in verse 1). Then be consistent in all verses and change up the rhyme scheme for the chorus.
Judy Marshak and Braeden Taylor-Mitchell – Somewhere Loving Me
From your blog it appears you are familiar with co-writing. However, part of the “challenge” was to change it up and write solo.
In reading your verses, verse 2 & 3 are more visual than the first verse. Remember that the opening line(s) and first verse are the only chance we have to get the lisetener engaged and in the picture. Musically, the melody needs to be more dynamic to support the passionate lyric and to ensure the chorus stands out from the verse.
Michael Holland – Outlaw Songs
Your note says “this is not and edgy Country song but I like it”. You’re right, but I like it too – I think it’s clever. It harkens back to Waylon & Willie. The other part of the challenge was to co-write if you don’t usually do that and I think that your considerable lyrical ability could be a great asset to a co-writer who is a strong melody writer.
Stacey Dowswell – Memphis City Lights
This is a very nice moody Pop song. However the only thing remotely country about it, is the title.
Shauna Specht – Black Coffee
This is a good effort, nice punchy feel on the demo! First verse hangs together quite well but chorus needs work both lyrically and musically. Just repeating BLACK COFFEE will not hold the listeners interest, the other chorus lines need to offer something more about the guy’s life. Musically/ rhythmically the chorus and the verse are too similar. Another small point to keep in mind , it is very effective to change the rhyme sound from verse to verse. Eg. if verse one has AY sounds then verse two should change to another vowel sound EE or OO, etc.
Tea Petrovic – This Is Our House
Nice feel, sounds kinda southern. Not sure a guy could sing this and in fact before anyone sings it I think the song needs some clarification. Who is saying what to who? Verse one is “SHE “ so singer is telling a story about someone else, but in the chorus it becomes “OUR” the pre chorus lyric does not quite connect the dots.
Chorus sounds pretty good BUT try not to throw in curves musically or lyrically that detract from the main theme. Eg. the line about “2 cents in your pocket” comes out of left field and the music behind it interrupts the flow.
DC James – Best of the Worst
Excellent job DC! All the moving parts of the song work just fine, liked the triple A rhyme in the pre. Good hook, good song. Maybe the Bridge could have been half as long, just a personal thing but I like short Bridges, seems radio does as well. Speaking of radio, when it comes to country a good amigo of mine, a hit writer/publisher in Nashville says “it’s all about the woman, make the woman feel good” This song does not paint the woman in a very good light, that might not be helpful in placing it, go easy on the blame factor. Just sayin’ cause you are dang close. Well done!
The Winners of Week 4:
Thanks to Ron Irving for taking the time to provide this insightful feedback to our participants. He selected two winners: GOODBYE TO A GREAT FRIEND by Allister Bradley and DO NOT DISTURB by Roseanne Baker Thornley. Great work guys!