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Christmas in July – Feedback on Submissions for The S.A.C. Songwriting & Blogging Challenge from Vince Degiorgio

July 7, 2015

Thanks to all who submitted to Vincent Degiorgio’s challenge to write a classic Christmas hit.
He was impressed with the quality and quantity of submissions.  He apologized profusely for the delay in responding.  We are grateful he took the time to do this.  In many ways, the delay provides a true-to-life experience for songwriters wanting replies from the industry.  You need to be persistent and have patience.  So, let’s celebrate Christmas in July.  Have a listen to these songs and see what Vince had to say…


“It’s Funny How Christmas Makes Me Cry” – Allister Bradley & Judy Marshak
-Love the traditional approach and the clean instrumentation
-I would have used, “It’s funny, how Christmas makes me cry” at the end of the second ‘verse’
By establishing this as the title, and it being able to make lyrical sense, so don’t throw that away !
-you’ve used a laundry list method to list all of the elements which is very good
-I think that since the song is basically a style in which the chorus sings as the verse, and the and chorus does likewise as a refrain, I would have inserted an instrumental passage, perhaps a guitar leading the first half and the piano doing the second half of your verse passage to give the singer a break.
-It’s extremely wordy at this point.
-Played this a number of times.
-With the lyric itself, it’s a wonderful exercise in editing and expression in some ways. For example: the 2nd line is using phrases like “oh, so warm”, which is great, but usually rests of expression are used later in a song.
-Another point is the lyricist has to completely personalize the song, otherwise it feels like poetry. Try re-framing the song with the vocalist being the complete narrator. It gets confusing because there is the thought of it the singer with this lyric referring to “I”, “we’ve” and “we are all still children” in three different sections. Choose your ultimate direction. If it’s you, it might work better and stronger to say “I’ve seen so many seasons” -etc.
-There is a lot here to continue to edit and tighten the story. Personalizing it is the key. Good effort.
-With a bit of work, this song could possibly work in a made for TV movie.

“Our First Christmas Eve” – by Michael Nowak
-The vocal performance is clear and clean
-Lyrically, I feel that it’s trying to saying too much in the space that the music provides
-the staccato movement of the end of the verse segments is very clever
-To recall, the references of a bona fide, texas size downpour, and a 40 proof egg nog paint a picture, however it might suit a holiday comedy musical more than in this traditional setting.
-I honestly would suggest trying to say less and be more concise.
-The arrangement here and the vocal are both terrific, but I feel that the lyric lets down the song. 


“Where’s The Elf” – by Scott MacKay and Judy Marshak
-This is wonderfully performed, but I have a problem.
-If the song is called “Where’s That Elf”, and in the first line of the song, you declare “I’m A Christmas Elf”, then it contradicts everything in the presentation of the title
-I actually would take the lines that say the word “Elf” in this throughout the song and re-write them, saving the impact of the Christmas elf to the very end of the song.
-The narrator is to my eyes, takes a step out of “Toy Story” at Christmas time.
-There are tons of lyrical gems here that can be maximized by holding back the impact of the “elf” until the end.
-This has a ton of potential. It may need an instrumental passage, and if done acoustically, should provide some space by taking a verse and whistling through it.
-Do these fixes and I think people, especially indie film supervisors will come looking for this song.


“All I Want Is You” by Bernadette Saquibal
-Very close to an early 90’s R&B soul treatment
-I’d suggest saving the title for the chorus
-A lot of stylistic phrasing and liberty with words, feels like more of an artist presentation of a song
-Chorus is disjointed for me
-I like the song, but wanted to love it. May be a bit to stylistic, and oversung to be placed.


“The Perfect Gift” – by Heather Meori
-Quirky inventive rhythm, immediately caught my ears
-Disagree with banking the title to the end of the song, which creates a clunky phrasing problem at the end of chorus sections…just use the Perfect Gift and cement your chorus !
-The tempo makes such a difference
-This is truly adorable.
-Wonderfully descriptive lyric, melodically moving, and kept subtle with an honest and true vocal performance
-Very publishable and a great song (just fix that chorus !)

“Christmas Eve” by Mel Farrimond
-This is just terrific. Fantastic lyric, Great delivery and more.
-I’m thinking in my head – oh, what strings could do for this !
-Evokes the voice of Beverly Craven – who happens to be one of my favourite singers
-Got goosebumps when the solo came in because it was crying for it and the double proved it
-Cements the theme – arrangement for a demo is outstanding
-Instrumental interplay towards the end is excellent and it closes strong.
-This is the winner – beautiful


“Christmas For Two” – Joe Stanton
-Really enjoyed listening to this entry
-Would suggest a little bit of editing and structure work to solidify the strength of the song
-I would try using the intro as the ending of your song
-Start the song with your opening verse, then, take a strong look and the melodic flow in the second half of the opening verse – it needs to flow better.
-The pre chorus intro is very pretty and has great movement
-The chorus is short and concise
-This song in particular was a tremendous challenge to the listener because there is so much there.
really enjoyed this song – listened to it ten times. One to watch.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2015 6:09 pm

    New member here! This so inspired me I wrote one!
    Called “Feel the Love on Christmas Day”
    I guess it’s too late now to send it in?
    Anyways, thanks for posting this!
    It gave me some cold vibes on a hot July day lol
    Best
    Stephen John

  2. William Findlay permalink
    July 14, 2015 10:52 pm

    New member here too! Great stuff everyone. I hope this is done again for next Christmas – I would love to try my hand at it as well.

    William Findlay

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